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First of all, I'd like to apologize for not blogging as often as I used to. It's been crazy these past few months, having had a ton of essays to write for school (#universitylife eh?). But apart from that, I have to be honest with you: I've been finding it difficult to write anything 'insightful' or 'inspiring' these days because I, myself, have been uninspired for quite some time. I'm like a well that's run dry: kind of hard to fill any buckets when I, myself, am empty. Why I'm admitting this, I don't know yet. Maybe because honesty is the closest thing to freedom I've got right now. And so, with humility, I'd like to request your prayers.
Don't worry. This isn't going to be an "emo" rant. I just wanted to share a few things I found impactful, things that reminded me to have hope. I cannot say that I am providing this from a place of "having-been-there-and-have-overcome-it", because I am still in the process of figuring things out. Maybe just like you. So I guess you could say that we're in this together -- directly or indirectly.
I attended Beyonce's concert several months ago (yes, I just brought up Beyonce LOL) and was greatly moved by an interlude video of hers called "You Are a Queen." Unfortunately I couldn't find a good quality video of it, but you can search it up on YouTube. It's really so much more impactful if you see the actual video! But for now I will just write down the words she spoke in the voiceover -- words that were moving in and of themselves:
"Everything around you has changed. Life as you know it no longer exists. Nothing looks the same. Nothing feels the same. You dance to keep from crying But the tears still come. You've become unrecognizable Even to yourself. But the clues to who you were Who you are Are all around to guide you. Isolation brings revelation. You start to peel back the layers You see every part of yourself Confused. Joyful. Fearful. Courageous. You fight yourself in order to find yourself. You are the General and the army. Using your heart, your mind as your compass You remember who you were And who you were born to be: You are a Queen."
The video shows her crying, confused, and lost. She picks up a crown and examines it like an artifact that's completely foreign to her. But eventually, as she puts the crown on and stares at herself in the mirror, she begins to realize that the crown's not foreign to her at all; it's part of who she is.
The point is that there will be times when we, too, will forget who we are, and it will be painful. It will feel as if we have lost all sense of ourselves, and it will seem as if nothing makes sense. But stay strong. Trust that no matter how long it takes, we WILL find our way, we WILL regain our strength, and we WILL remember who we are and who we were always meant to be: beloved children of God. It's okay to forget sometimes. Part of life's great journey is re-reminding ourselves of that fact.
Put your crown back on.
"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is." - 1 John 3:1-2