The longing for companionship is strong and real for us women. Some of us are shyer to admit this than others, but nonetheless, it is what it is. Put simply: it feels good to love and to be loved. Who doesn’t want the assurance of belonging ‘exclusively’ to someone? Who doesn’t want to feel taken care of? Who doesn’t want someone to affirm us when we’re feeling insecure, to wipe our tears away when things get hard? Life seems better when we’re in a relationship—it's easier for us to feel beautiful and to believe that we’re worthwhile.
But what happens when all that is taken away, when we’re left alone to fend for ourselves? Suddenly the insecurity sets in. Our foundations are shaken. Suddenly the constant affirmation we depended on is gone, leaving us unsure if we’re lovable anymore. And if no one else steps in to pursue us, we question if we’re even worthy of being pursued at all.
THE PAINFUL TRUTH ...
Let’s face it: being single can be painful. And because it’s painful, some of us do what we wouldn’t otherwise do: We settle for less than what we deserve just for the quick fix of ‘companionship’ … even if that companionship is far from what we truly desire.
Ladies, how many of us put up with abusive relationships, making excuses for those who are unfaithful to us out of fear of being alone? How many of us switch from relationship to relationship without giving our hearts enough time to heal, because the thought of being alone to face ourselves is scary? How many of us constantly date the wrong guy because we've given up hope that true gentlemen still exist? In all these things, we're doing ourselves a great disservice: we aren't giving ourselves the chance for the love and respect we deserve.
THE GOOD NEWS: A DEEPER LOVE EXISTS
1) The "gentlemen" are NOT gone.
I read a book once which said that a culture of gentlemen won’t arise unless we ladies demand it. The problem is not that "all the gentlemen are gone" -- the problem is that we don’t ask for it. We don’t expect it. We’re too often willing to settle for less than it. How do we expect to get what we want if we're not willing to wait for it?
So ladies, don't be afraid to WAIT until that 'gentleman' finally arrives. Although this isn't the answer most people want to hear, there are MANY benefits to waiting (it'll take a WHOLE new blog post to cover that). The point is: Wait ... because the true type of love is one worth waiting for. Until then, don't sell yourself short. You owe that to yourself.
2) Love YOURSELF first.
Although waiting for the right guy takes time, there's a different type of love available to us here & now -- it's called self-love.
I don't mean cockiness, or conceit, or thinking we're better than everyone else. I mean the type of respect for ourselves that says: "Yes, I will wait for someone who'll respect me, because that's what I deserve." It's a love for ourselves that is able to overlook our mistakes and imperfections, to love ourselves unconditionally.
Often the reason we busy ourselves with relationships is because we're afraid of being alone. We rely on the affirmation/affection of others to feel good about ourselves, feeling lost without it. We search for love in many things, not realizing that the only place we really needed it was from ourselves.
So take this challenge: It's easy to love ourselves when someone's constantly complimenting us. But can we learn to love ourselves even without those compliments? That is true self-love -- the ability to feel beautiful and self-assured NO MATTER WHAT, single or not.
Bottom line: We can't expect someone else to see what's lovable about us if we can't see it in ourselves first. So I dare you to see it -- even if that means being single for a while in order to do that.
3) Love from the UNIVERSE
And finally -- even if it seems like others don't love us, even when it gets hard to love ourselves -- there is still a Greater Love available to us beyond our comprehension: it is the love of God, or as some call it, the Universe. A love that is truly unconditional, that tells us we're worthwhile people, even if no one else seems to see it, not even ourselves. When all else is lost, hold on to that love. It can never fail us.
So Ladies, KNOW WHAT YOU'RE WORTH & DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS! <3
WHERE 'YOU' COME IN ...
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